Navigating a Pet’s Final Moments and Coping with Their Loss: A guided Journey


My first memory of Quénia, a German Shepherd, is of when I first held her. She was in my lap on the ride home when I was 7, when suddenly she threw up on my cousin who was sitting next to me. Mind you, I was mad at my cousin, so I raised my puppy’s floppy ear and whispered “I think we are going to be good friends” in her ear. My next memory is her falling again and again on the slippery kitchen floor, something we thought would fully stop, but never did. She would hit the age of thirteen and still slide on the kitchen floor, except now with grace, as though she were a professional ice skater. She used to never whimper, but there was one thing, and one thing only which would always trigger a good cry: my dad speaking English during his Zoom calls. Poor Quénia was raised in Portugal, and hearing her father speak gibberish was for some reason where she drew the line. But that stopped.

I don’t know how it happened, I can’t remember a specific day or moment, but next thing I know, Quénia can’t stand up. She tries, but she collapses like a jointed doll back in her bed, and can no longer go outside to relieve herself. I didn’t know it would happen this fast, but it was time. And I was suddenly lost on the internet gathering information on what to do next. This article is my attempt to save other owners the pain of spending hours trying to figure out “what now?”


How to know you’re witnessing your pet’s final moments

“66% of U.S. households (86.9 million homes) own a pet” (Pet Ownership Statistics and Facts in 2023 – Forbes Advisor, n.d.), and their lifespan average is “between 10–13 years” (How Long Do Dogs Live?, n.d.) but most of us don’t think about our pet’s death until the time is close. So how do we know our pet’s time is ending? 

Matt Combs (27 years old, working on RV sales and living in Vermont), had Nelson (a Siberian Husky), who was rescued at the age of about two, who slept in his bed every night and even walked without a leash. His dog was losing quality of life as he couldn’t walk up and down the stairs anymore, was upset over it, and didn’t want to eat, which let Combs know Nelson was no longer happy on this plane. Nelson passed after his family decided euthanasia was the best decision for them. 

Isabella Paredes Mendoza (student at St. Michael’s, Vermont) got Mike (an English Bulldog) as a baby, and they grew together. She remembers fondly how she would feel recharged when seeing him after coming back from classes, and playing with him at home or at the park. Nelson passed in his sleep a couple of days after they took him to the vet for looking “sick and dull,” and the vet warned them his time was close.

In my case I knew Quénia was close to the end because she stopped being able to walk. She started peeing herself instead of asking to go outside like she had done ever since she was a puppy, and worse, she was aware of it all and sad about it. Quénia passed when my family and I decided to euthanize her.

But what are the signs your pet is no longer alright? According to Dr. Erika Bruner, Vermont veterinarian for dogs and cats, veterinary acupuncture and end-of-life care, you can look for behaviors or changes that might make you want to check in with your vet:

  1. Changes in appetite or drinking 

  2. Changes in behavior, especially lethargy, depression, not interacting with family 

  3. Effortful breathing, severely pale gums (this is usually a medical emergency) 

  4. Seizures, coma/nonresponsiveness (also a medical emergency, unless the seizures are mild and not new) 

  5. Vomiting, diarrhea 

  6. Limping, reduced mobility, getting up slowly 

  7. Sudden appearance of a new lump or mass

If any of the above is happening, it might be treatable, but it might also be signs of something worse.


Euthanasia VS. Natural Death

We might have not known it was time if it weren’t for Quénia, who kept looking at us with a guilty face anytime she peed herself or couldn’t stand when we got home. She was clearly the most unhappy she had ever been, and at that point, when she did stand up, she fell. We could tell pain wasn’t far in the future, if she wasn’t hurting already.

As she was clearly aware of her situation and unhappy with it, we didn’t want her to continue to suffer as she got worse, so we chose to end her suffering as soon as possible. But euthanasia doesn’t always have to be the path you take. We previously had Pintas (a miniature pinscher) who was clearly close to the end as he was blind and weaker everyday, but he was still very happy, and not in pain, so he went on living until nature did its thing and he passed, happy as ever. If this time it had been the same, we wouldn’t have chosen euthanasia, so how do you know what to do?

When contemplating euthanasia, if your pet has “significant pain or discomfort from an illness that they are not expected to recover from”, according to Dr. Bruner, you should consider:

  1. Have they lost their ability to do many of the things they like?

  2. Are they not eating, or not eating much for a long period of time?

  3. Do they have significant dementia or cognitive deficits?

  4. Has caring for them become burdensome for the family and can the family keep up with the care required?

  5. Can the family afford the medical care required for the pet to heal or to have a good life?

  6. Is the medical care likely to be as stressful as the illness or health problems they are having?

If you believe you can provide your pet what they need not to suffer and live a happy life for longer, no one is telling you not to, but if you can’t provide the right amount of care, you might want to consider euthanasia as an opportunity for your pet to pass peacefully.


You chose euthanasia, what does that entail?

When it comes to euthanasia, you might pick to do it in a clinic where they will attempt to provide the most peaceful environment that they can (some provide peaceful rooms for such situations, such as Plattsburgh Animal Hospital, which has a “rainbow room”), or you can have someone come to your home, such as Dr. Bruner came to my place. She first made sure everyone in the room was okay (as okay as can be in such a situation), and told us each step as she went on. She first sedated Quénia, and made sure she was fully unresponsive before following with euthanasia. She also asked if we wanted a paw print of her (while she was unconscious) to which we said yes. She then gave me some time alone with Quénia before she fully covered Quénia in a blanket and (with the help of my dad) carried her out to the truck.

When my previous dog, Pintas, seemed to be close to passing, my parents asked if I wanted to say goodbye, the same way Dr. Bruner did. I was very young and thought he must be scared, and he always loved when I sang, so I sang him “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran, which made him close his eyes and lower his little head. Whenever I miss him, I play that song and feel at peace. And when Dr Bruner left me alone with Quénia to say goodbye, I felt the urge to sing that same song. I now associate that song with a lot of love, so I would recommend playing a song, singing it, or even thinking about it when your pet passes, as it helped me through a lot.

As beautiful as Quénia’s passing was, it isn’t always as easy. We were lucky that Dr. Bruner takes care of the whole process, but when considering your end of life options make sure you consider what you want to do with your pet when they pass away, as it can be “quite traumatic driving home with a deceased pet”, said Renee A Perdi, Practice Manager at Plattsburgh Animal Hospital.

After they pass options

My family picked cremation as my mother was very attached to the idea of our dog “staying home” as Quénia, while living, hated leaving the house. My mother picked an urn, and now our dog is on top of my parents’ dresser, where my mother often sees her, which gives her peace. When it comes to cremation, people often fear the ashes will fall out if the urn falls, but Dr Bruner shares that they are most often inside a plastic bag within the urn.

But what are your options? 

  1. Cremation (and bring the ashes home or not)

  2. Burial (at home, a special place, or a pet cemetery)

Whichever one is best for your family, financially (each option’s price will vary according to your location) and emotionally, depends on each case, as there is no best option overall. 


Everything has been taken care of, what now?

When interviewed, Doctor Ana Luisa Pocas (Portuguese Psychiatrist), said that before your pet passes, you might choose to spend more time with them, or create distance, “there are people with different ways of dealing with this situation,” and no way is wrong.

“Reaction to the loss of a pet is a highly individualized process. Whereas some people exhibit little outward sign of grief, others may be deeply emotional in their response” (Pet Loss: Implications for Social Work Practice. - Free Online Library, n.d.)

Pocas also said that “the loss of a pet can be just as painful if not more than the loss of a family member.” And “if some people can deal with death in a more healthy and tranquil way, others might become more unstable.” If you feel you need help, seek support groups, either in person or online as “these groups are useful for some people as they can find other people going through the same.” But if your pain feels too big, or incapacitating, seek professional help.

Personally, it’s been months, and when I randomly think of Quénia I feel my heart grow heavy, but I know with time that feeling will lighten. 


Conclusion

When I stared at Quénia being sedated, I wondered what her first memory of me was. I wondered if it was throwing up on my cousin. I wondered if she immediately loved me. I wondered if she was thankful that we were putting her to sleep. She looked up with curiosity at me and my father as if asking why we were sad, and why we were giving her so many pets at the same time. She looked around for human food wondering if we were at eye level to feed her. She felt my rubs and my dad’s pats as she slowly felt sleepier. She then slept the way she did when I snuck her into my bed as a puppy. Peacefully and beautifully. Maybe she knew she wouldn’t wake up, maybe she didn’t. But she didn’t wonder why we were loving her so much, for her whole life we loved her, as much as she loved us.


References


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